Goodbye to Meetings from Hell

I once watched a well-respected doctor throw a pencil at a female colleague whose ridiculously long, whiny oration during a proposal planning meeting had put him and the rest of us around the bend of polite behavior.  I remember being shocked at the time but also deeply appreciative.  The meeting had truly gone way beyond human endurance.

At a Passover Seder, we recite the Ten Plagues.  You know them: blood, frogs, lice, flies, cattle disease, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, death of the firstborn.  Because I was at a Seder last night and I have an unusual fondness for lists, I’m thinking of  Ten Meeting Plagues.

1. Anonymity – skipping introductions in the interest of time
2. Hunger and Thirst – no offer of coffee or treats
3. Puzzlement - meeting purpose that is confused or secret
4. Exclusion – tiered group with clear insiders and outsiders
5. Humorlessness – absence of chitchat or jokes
6. Aimlessness - meandering, undisciplined discussion
7. Endlessness – no respect for people’s time or patience
8. Hopelessness – deep belief the meeting is meaningless
9. Discontinuity – no traction from previous meeting
10. Disinvestment – decision to bug out – literally or figuratively

These days people don’t have to throw pencils to vent their frustration.  They Blackberry – google other people in the room, play Scrabble, text other attendees they sense are bored and frustrated.  Basically, they’re there but they’re not there.  I know this.  I’m one of these BB’ing folks who can’t tolerate bad meetings and would otherwise be arming myself with pencils.

What to do?

Here are five simple steps:  1) Have a purpose and an agenda; 2) Designate someone as the facilitator who will implement the agenda and manage the conversation; 3) Keep and distribute minutes; 4) Implement the ‘everybody talks/everybody listens’ rule; 5) Be glad to see people and have a little fun. 

There’s a reason why we got into this business – it’s interesting, important, and worthwhile.  When we get together to solve a problem or plan a project, it’s an opportunity to make things better in the world.  Let’s enjoy it!